I fail

I don't always have a servant's heart. Yep, I said it....albeit through clenched teeth, but its out there! I sometimes will leave a mess for a little while because I feel unappreciated by my husband and children. Who do they think that I am? I think. Do I look like mama maid? I say to myself. God created me for more than sweeping and mopping plus, I just did all of this yesterday and look my work is already destroyed! I argue in my head. Sometimes I simmer to a boil and out of the heart the mouth speaks! "You can all do more," I fuss. "I am not the maid" I nag! "There is a chore list for a reason!" And I go on and on and on.

Sometimes my simmer is cooled by the thought that Jesus did it all w/o getting anything in return. How many of the lame were healed and ran off to do their on thing? He took the short end of the stick WILLINGLY so that we would live and not suffer in hell! That's a sobering thought. I am definitely a work in progress! I'm learning to commit my thoughts daily before my feet even hit the floor because I've learned that, that's where I fail first....in my thoughts & then through my actions!

If I don't commit my thoughts, its inevitable that I suffer the "me-mes." You know, the "why me?" The "how me?" The "they don't appreciate me!" and so I sometimes selfishly react by that. I wait to clean to see whose going to help before I have to ask. I read a quote by Mother Teresa that said "do it anyway" it goes through all these things like being a home maker that might make you feel unappreciated or you may find happiness that causes others to be jealous, but she says do it anyway because ultimately it was never about you and them, but about you and God anyway! 

I know that God called me to my home to serve him! To Shepard my children as the next generation of believers! To teach them to serve him & be unashamed & unafraid in a world that's becoming more hostile towards him. I sometimes still struggle w/ what I was certain God wanted me to do from an early age and what that looks like today! Very similar, but still different! When I want to be selfish and say, "but God, why can't I do this & that instead of that and this" I have to remember that no matter how small the task may seem, I am still on a big assignment. 

My mission didn't turn out to be in China or Africa, but its at home and it's still just as important so I'll stand on Ephesians 6:7 "Serve wholeheartedly, as if you were serving the Lord, not people." 

I thank God that his mercies are new EVERY MORNING because still sometimes, I fail!