Great at being ungrateful!

Us in our trusted truck circa 2009

You ever feel like you were at a lesson revisited? or maybe i'm just becoming my mom because I totally had a moment that felt like complete deja vu except my children were me (cue the 90's) and I was my mom....I had the same speech and all!

On our way home from church the other night the car was full of complaints! "She's too close to me", "this truck sucks," "there's no room," "we need a new car," blah blah blah blah blah! I fussed and threatened and stayed on repeat the entire 10 minute drive home! The situation was different, but the lesson the same and though I know for a fact that I learned a thing (literally) or two about being ungrateful when I was younger, the reminder on the way home was needed and appreciated.

I'll start with a summarized version of the past first:

When I was in sixth grade my grandmother gave my mother a car that was paid off. I didn't understand the significance of a car without payments then, but I can sure understand and appreciate it now. Although the car was paid for, it had seen far better days and to be real appearance was EVERYTHING to a sixth grader. Nice cars, nice clothe, nice shoes, etc. if anything fell outside of "nice," you were bound to get picked on and since this was pre anti-bullying campaign you just had to deal with it. So on the first day of my mom driving me to school in our new (old) car I had specific instructions for her. "Ma, could you pick me up on the dirt road behind the school this afternoon," I asked. "Sure. Are you embarrassed by the car?" my mom asked. "Yes" was probably the wrong thing to say to the "queen on teaching lessons!"

long story short, the bell rang that day and the first car parked in the bus lane in the very FRONT of the school was mine and to take it a step further my mom blew the horn and called my name....there was absolutely no way to avoid her or the ugly car. As I got my mortified little booty into the car my mom gave me a lecture that i'll always remember. She said, "while you're worried about what the other children will say about your car, where are theirs?" look on those buses at all of those kids. you have a mother who not only works but drops off and pick you up every single day. No matter how unattractive the car is on the outside, it gets us from point A to point B and we own it. When our car broke down, God immediately blessed us with another one. We didn't have to ask for a ride, catch a bus, or walk to where we needed to go! How can God bless you with something better, if you don't appreciate what he has already blessed you with?

Back to the present:

We are currently a car short of what we had last year and at first I also did my share of complaining. We had a baby on the way and It was during the time that I felt like this move was more of a curse than a blessing. I just didn't see how we could manage with the remaining cars, but eventually my heart changed when I realized that what is remaining is ours and although not huge and roomy they are just right for our family! As my children complained and I fussed and threatened the question my mom posed back then came back to me, How can God bless you with something better if you don't appreciate what he has already blessed you with? Hopefully, my children will remember that question like I have over the years! Sometimes our blessings don't look like we want them to, but they're blessings just the same!

One month of lessons and blessings!

Sleeping while mommy's trying to document month one

The first month with little baby is almost over and just when I think that I know it all, I learn something new!

Even before my sweet little baby girl got here, I was more than positive that I had life as a new mom (again) in the bag! I mean let's look at the facts: I already have four children, none of the older kids are under five (BIGGIE since I had four under five at one time), everyone is self sufficient, and again I ALREADY HAVE FOUR KIDS! but here's the truth...

Although i'm older and wiser (not quite confident in that) and I've been here and done this, it's still new! Who knew? I have experienced some new things that I didn't with the other four like "breast-milk jaundice!" What?!! Totally caught me off guard!! I've been ready to have little baby put under that light thingy every week since we got home just to be told that it's non-threatening and will get better. Or over active letdown and reflux...huh? last time we spent a month worrying about whether I was making enough milk and now i'm making too much! It has been interesting to say the least and you know how i'm supposed to be embracing change and going with the flow? Well, I've had my moments of screaming, why can't things just be like before?

So here's the lesson! As I am watching little baby like a hawk to make sure that she isn't choking on her spit-up because of reflux, she smiles or coos! and ya know what? all is right with the world again! I am reminded that even though seasons change and one day a tree may be full of beautiful leaves and the next day completely bare, it will eventually change again! So as I complain about these new worries or compare the past to the present, I get a glimpse of the future.....one day today, these worries, joys and new experiences will just be a memory so I better enjoy them now while they are happening!

Just when I thought I had it

Philippians 4:6

"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God"

Contentment that is! Argh. So the back story is that my family and I moved 2 1/2 years ago, the move has been less than pleasant and I've found myself praying, confused, and just down right discontent with this new place and my new role in it. I don't do resolutions for the new year, but I will reflect and set goals or pray about areas in my life that need more of God in them (I.e. helping me to remain positive when I want to be really negative). So, at the beginning of this year I decided that I would put all of my strength in finding contentment in this move.....it has been 2 years, right? I prayed and gave all of my negative feelings about it to God and decided that I would have peace with the move until God moved us or showed me that there was a purpose here because Lord knows I have yet to see one. I hadn't had any completely negative thoughts since then, but lately I've began feeling like I want to move again and with that feeling always comes mega confusion. We did pray before the move, we did get our church's blessing, & doors opened supernaturally and even with all of that I have never been comfortable here, we've had many battles, moved churches 3 times, & there's just an overall sense of discontentment....God wouldn't move us from order to chaos! Yet I think that there has to be a lesson here. Either way I can't say that I am good at tests, even when I think that I've mastered one and grown in some way or another (whether I've gained more patience or discernment, etc.) I find myself thrust into a new one and feeling like I'm failing. When I am weak, he is strong and in this season that's what I have to keep holding on to!